You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
