your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
