jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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