I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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