; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
