When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
