3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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