I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
