I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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