Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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