Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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