Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
