Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
