I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
