U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holy shit dude........stairs
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