Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
