Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
