Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
