OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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