I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
