If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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