her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
