I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
