Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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