My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
