Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
