Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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