i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
