it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
