New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
