Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
