Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
