connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
