I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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