is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
