yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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