I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
