my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is my gift to your gina
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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