i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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