College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Your dad touched me again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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