he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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