Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
