She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
