yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
