these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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