Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
