Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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