What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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