somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
