I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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