I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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