he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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