Your tits are I can't wait for
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
