apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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