He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
