I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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