Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
