Define "chronic" masturbator.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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