your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
