I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
