Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
