Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
