She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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