I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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