no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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