i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize