you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
