We named our party play list daddy issues
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
