Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
