She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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