I wanna passion pit in your ass
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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