he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
