When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I deserve this hangover.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
