I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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