i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
