We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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