I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
