Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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