where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
