If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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