how can u be prego again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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