i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
