Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
