Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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