So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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