i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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