A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
