I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
