Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
