I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
