Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
