Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
