I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize