You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
