Redeem this text for a blowjob
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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