I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
