I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
