So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
