I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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