what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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