I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize