I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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