oh god the rape fog is back!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
