you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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