Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
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