it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am spending my child support on dildos
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
