college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Green mimosas i think yes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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