What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
time to smoke my breakfast
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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