why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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