Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
