There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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