i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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